Practical Parenting Style: Before You Raise Your Kids, Raise Yourself
The moment we talk of Parenting, the first word which dazzles our mind is ‘Fixing the behavior of a Child’. But Is it so? The child is growing, learning from people affected by his/ her surroundings, facing the odds, vying the good and bad parts of the day to day life, so how are we going to deal with the child. Is it the right procedure to deal with the child? There are hundreds of how, why, If and buts related to the topic.
Practical Parenting is not just bringing up the child. It is an act of transforming him or her to be a better citizen of this great civilization. Demographically, we are divided, but not the child. His/ Her adolescent mind does not know the demographic boundaries. They know all human beings as a single entity belonging to the same family. So how to show and instill in him/ her the right virtues? These are the few basic questions which need answers? If we do not answer them, we can not parent the child. So it is important for us to first raise ourselves, before actually raising the child.
The Book that Changed my Perspective
I was just going through a book called All You Need is Love written by Ms. Marie Force. To me, the story was a kinda of Family Story, with Love angles between a city girl falling in love with a mountain boy and his family. Both have a separate life style and they research how to fit into one another’s life and kinda much more narratives. But the real part which mesmerized me in the story and which got my feelings aroused was the way Ms. Force has treated and given space to each child in Abbott’s family. It was really awesome. It clicked me to visualize the source of thumb rules which are needed for Practical Parenting. The book got me to focus on the subject of knowing thyself first and learning or raising oneself before raising the child. “There is no cookie-cutter approach to parenting….”, says the author furthering the subject into detail.
The generosity of Parents:
In the art of learning Practical Parenting, we must learn to be generous enough to accept the facts of TRUTH. We must be prepared to accept and love the child the way they are and recognize their uniqueness. Once, while browsing on the net, I came across a quote on parenting style which says that ‘Positive Parenting is like Gardening. The whole universe in fact blossoms in the face of the child. Therefore by bringing out the best in the child, you are bringing out the best in this world. The biggest sensitive part in the art of parenting is the bond of TRUST which develops between the child and the parent. The Child has totally unconditional love and faith towards their parents, but do the parents respond in a similar way? One should always remember that the degree of Trust Deficiency in the process of parenting determine the failure or accomplishment of the task of the Practical Parenting.
There is a saying that since human beings by their nature are not perfect enough so there can not be a perfect parent. To me, Practical Parenting is not something to be measured in various degrees of perfectness or imperfectness. It is the instinctive behavior of a parent, caring the child for the GOOD of his/ her future. One should be always aware of the fact that it is not merely the parents who bring up the child but various other factors such as the neighbor family environment, society, and the surroundings are equally responsible for the upbringing of the child.
Practical Parenting Styles, Practices & Outcome:
Parenting Style determines one’s behavior towards the child and therefore there is a need to talk about raising ourselves before raising the child. The child is innocent and ignorant. He is devoid of any flaws and knows only to love. Therefore we are needed to look inward towards ourselves to check and balance our behavior towards the child. A parent may be fun loving, authoritative, Careless or even Cruel minded. His self-behavior is going to determine his style in parenting. To become a good parent if not the PERFECT, one should be always sensitive enough to the realities of our own behaviors. No one wants their child to be a bad jar-goon. Everyone wants their child to be colorful and full of virtues. Therefore it is time for all of us, who are parents and who are parenting, to do a little introspection.
Authoritarian parents are always found caring much for their own egos rather than the child itself. They tend to be extremely strict towards their child. They are often non-communicative to the child and are found to be giving lectures, yelling and punishing their child for what they feel is right. The result is TRUST deficiency. The child is likely to lose trust in parents and he or she grows into becoming a hostile, disobedient or a withdrawn person.
Perspective of Fun Loving Parents
On the other hand, there may be a fun loving parent who is absolutely permissive to the extremes to their child. They cast all the liberties and freedom to the child and do not attempt any sort of control over their child. The child, in fact, is groomed into an unguided, directionless, self-exploring personality. As a result, the child becomes introvert, undisciplined, non-confidant, aimless and an unhappy person.
The question here is then what is the right path for Practical Parenting. YES, there is the one and which is most acclaimed and advocated. It is what practiced in the biggest democracies. Yeah, the parenting form must be a Democratic Parenting. The Child should be given liberty to limits, freedom with an understanding of his/ her responsibilities, He should be taught the importance of virtues over the evils. The
out come of such Practical Parenting will be a child of disciplined nature, who knows his/ her responsibilities, will be having tolerance, will be co-operative and an achiever.
The importance of Communication in Parenting:
Often in the process of Parenting, Communication gap is found out. The Child is often non-communicative to their parents. In turn, parents are none- communicative to the child. None of them share their feelings be it the feeling of LOVE or DISTASTE. A Child which was thriving with LOVE is doomed into agonies. In the art of parenting, therefore, one should raise themselves to become a good educator, communicator, and teacher, teaching their child to communicate. The feeling of belonging should be instilled in the minds of the child that they are the purpose of the parents and NOT any hindrance to their life. The parent has to fulfill the responsibility of becoming the BEST friend for the child. When the child is growing, there are many instances in life that are needed to be communicated to the parent by the child. If they are not done, there is a repercussion of it in the child’s life. One of the very important parts of developing communication with the child in Practical Parenting is to laugh together, hug them, play with them and enjoy the company of each other. This phenomenon casts a tremendous impact on the life of the Child.
Attributes of Punishment in Practical Parenting:
Social and family values should be slowly taught to the child and instilled into them. They are taught to develop the goods and avoid bad. In the process of learning, the child may commit mistakes. Things can be wrong or subversive at times. Therefore it is the responsibility of the parents to act like a good mentor and enforce the values consistently but balancing the pressure. Under no circumstance, physical force should be applied to the child. It is the tactics of persuasion and other psychological tools that should be considered and applied.
Attributes of Appreciation in Parenting:
The common practice of training any individual is to appreciate and reward for efforts and achievements. Therefore in Practical Parenting, the parents should apply this tool generously and appreciate their child and at times reward them. Remember for a child their parents are the ultimate world. They are dependent on them and seek their support in their every effort. This, therefore, should not be a cause of annoyance for the parents. They should be in fact supportive of it.
Summarizing the article I would say that Self Realization in the Art of Parenting is one of the uttermost important element of life. Self-realization of not only the self-behavior towards the child but equally the realization of the perspectives of the child in his behavior forms the basis of becoming a PERFECT parent in the process of Practical Parenting.